1. "My phone died"

Basically I saw your three missed calls and that text but I didn't really fancy coming home to help out with chores when I could've been drinking a Toffee Nut Latte in town instead.

2. "He/She started it"

Fine, I might have eaten the last Yorkshire pudding off his plate first, but I'm still the oldest so I deserve for you to take my side.

3. "I can't afford to come down this weekend. i'm poor because i just paid rent"

Read: I just spent £90 on a new pair of boots.

4. "I'm not hungover, i'm just tired"

Because then we'd have to admit we *might* have snuck two fingers of Advocaat and half a bottle of ancient rum out of your drinks cabinet last night. Oopsies.

5. "Mum always lets me"


Ok she definitely doesn't but COME ON, Dad. You're supposed to be the cool one.

6. "I'm just too busy to find a boyfriend right now"

Because "I prefer to spend the weekend lying in bed in my PJs watching eight episodes of Suits back to back" just ain't gonna cut it when Grandma asks them when you're going to settle down for the 593994th time.

7. "I'll just watch one more episode before bed"

We all know I'm going to watch five but also all know it's futlie you insisting I switch it off and go to bed.


Usually the next morning when you're hella tired, you ask us if we're going to brush our hair today and we promptly burst into tears.

9. "Err no, i haven't seen it in ages..."

Real talk: I may have smashed it while you were out and hidden it so deep in the bin you will never, ever find the remains.

10. "I'll tidy it in a minute"

Yeah, it's not happening. I prefer working a floor-drobe anyway.

11. "You said you would last night, you remember? after you'd had several glasses of wine"

You wouldn't be able to call yourself a good kid without occasionally taking advantage of their enjoyment of a glass of wine or four.

12. "I'll pay you back"

What do you mean being reaaaaally nice to you doesn't count as payment?

13. "Yeah i'll be out of the bathroom in, like, five minutes"

And by five minutes I mean 45.

14. "We're just doing homework"

Well, homework with a side of kisses and heavy petting.

15. "I would never lie to you..."

I mean, except for right now. Ahem.